Tuesday evening. I'm at the hairdresser's. Everything is as usual: shorter on the side, shorter on the back - and very uncomfortable inside. Dead silence, broken only by the clicking of scissors. It's not the hairdresser's fault, he's already covered all the usual topics (my hair, my weekend plans, what I'll be doing on holidays). Now the ball goes to me. What to do?

What is charisma? Obviously not the quality that could be suspected of me. But who do you need to be to be told about you: “Yes, this guy is special”? Can charisma be learned? Next to me sits the one who thinks: yes, you can. His name is Danish Sheikh and he is a charisma coach. His clients include executives from Yahoo and the BBC, whom he trained in the art of gaining self-confidence and "personal attraction." The Sheikh is confident that he can turn anyone into George Clooney or Brigitte Bardot. And I will be his student for two days.

I sit in my chair, choosing where else to turn the conversation. It seems easy: I'm pretty smart, I understand music and sports, I'm up to date with the latest news. In short, there are thousands of options. “What about you? I finally squeeze out. “Are you going somewhere for the holidays?”

In the mirror, I see the Sheikh wince.

- Starting from the basics, charisma is the ability to win over people solely through the strength of your personality. It's hard to put a price on that skill, he says, although he's actually already done so: £150 an hour to be exact. And many are ready to part with them.

Being attractive isn't easy

Why is charisma such an important thing? Ask Richard Reed, a British cognitive psychotherapist who - far from a timid himself - calls himself "Mr. Charisma." Reed specializes in different areas - addictions, depression, crisis management - but in 2009 he was one of the first in the UK to start teaching courses on developing charisma. Since then, his clients have included the London Transport Department, the National Crime Prevention Agency and Google.

Those who lack the proverbial EQ rely on instructions. And those who have it rely on their influence

“These organizations are no longer looking for managers,” he says. - They need leaders. And being a leader means being emotionally intelligent. Essentially, that's what charisma is."

Those lacking the proverbial EQ rely on instructions, Reid says. And those who have it rely on their influence. “If you learn to win over people, you will open up more opportunities for yourself. Plus, you will have more fun with everything - parties, interviews, communication with colleagues and friends.

Someone who, but I'm definitely not one of those whom nature has endowed with the gift of charm. Rather, I balance somewhere on the verge between clumsiness and arrogance, where the second is a way to overcome the first. But I'm 33 years old, and I'm beginning to suspect that awkwardness has finally won.

Some time ago I wrote a column for the local newspaper and the column was quite popular. But when readers met me in person, I felt that they were disappointed. One of them said: "It's strange - your articles are written with a twinkle, but I don't feel it in you." I understand it, but I don't know what to do with myself.

The new leader is a charismatic leader

Dr. Eric Matser is a neuropsychologist who has worked with Chelsea Football Club and the Dutch Olympic swimming team, specializing in talent optimization. “Few people are really comfortable with being themselves,” he told me. − For everyone else, charisma training can help. It is your right to want to be the best version of yourself, but you may need help. The development of personal potential is too difficult a task to solve alone.

Meanwhile, my coach Sheikh is just self-taught. Born in India, he was a nerdy teenager, then head of operations at Yahoo. He fretted over his inability to make friends and spent ten years studying the psychology and neurology of everyday communication. Eventually, in his nearly 30 years, he turned into a full-time guru.

My first impression of him is yes, handsome, but, frankly, his charisma is not outrageous. “But you liked me,” he retorts. “So our relationship started on a positive note.” I had nothing to cover.

His first impression of me was more ruthless. He said this the morning after his visit to the barbershop. Prior to that, he walked with me everywhere all day, watched how I talk, how I behave. He summarized his observations in his office, on the blackboard. Not the most pleasant reading. But, as I was told, “only by admitting our weaknesses can we confront them.”

We can develop, practice and improve the methods and subconscious skills of interpersonal communication

So, here's what happened: I find it difficult to start and maintain a conversation; I don't look confident enough when I walk into a room; I have a closed body language; I don't look people in the eye because I perceive eye contact as an invasion of personal space. Unless I'm talking about topics that I'm interested in (football, literature, 19th-century history, or British railways), I speak languidly, without enthusiasm.

“But don't worry,” the Sheikh encourages me. "We'll fix it all."

Natural gift or years of training?

The Sheikh's classes are based on the idea that we can develop, practice and improve the methods and subconscious skills of interpersonal communication. I think of the most charismatic people I know: did they win people over with methodical training? I think of Martin, my friend, a great journalist who is 30 years older than me. He always looks solid, but with a share of ease. It does not look out of place in any situation. And most importantly, it seems that he does not at all try to create an image for himself.

I met with Martin and asked him: did he really achieve this through conscious work on himself? “I guess I just listened more than others,” my friend shrugged. “But I don’t think that it needs to be specially studied.”

I began to tell him about my charisma lessons. He nodded, asking questions. Finally I asked him what he thought of it. “Complete bullshit,” he snapped. “Shall we crush another mug?”

By showing interest in people, you make them feel important: they will then associate this feeling with you.

Until recently, I thought that charisma is a nice addition to a public image, but not something necessary. I didn't need charisma to get the traditional benefits: a partner, a home, a job that I quite enjoy. When I called the Sheikh, I was driven by pure curiosity. I wanted to understand why the quality, which was first talked about by the ancient Greeks, suddenly became an indispensable attribute of success in the 21st century.

Perhaps, with her help, I would have got a dream job, would have been the soul of the company, instead of painfully thinking how to keep the conversation going.

“Showing interest in people, you make them feel significant: then they will associate this feeling with you. If you're distracted even for a minute, people catch it in a split second,” Sheikh explains. - Concentrate all your attention on the person in front of you - and he will be grateful. It doesn't matter where you are - in your porch or backstage at a Rolling Stones concert. If you are currently talking to a janitor, your attention should be given to him.”

We are learning the "enter the room" exercise: chin up, shoulders back, eye contact ("don't look too long, 4 seconds max, then break"), gestures ("sparingly"). Same with the voice: don't speak too fast or too slow; change the tempo to keep the listener's attention. Good posture, a strong voice and an open stance mean power.

Be yourself?

It's time for practice. Worldly chatter. Sheikh advises to keep the conversation in a semi-serious tone, to speak expressively, to ask open-ended questions. He transforms into my hairdresser, then into a production editor, then into a stranger at a party ... Not once, I must say, did I have to resort to the unfortunate question about plans for the weekend.

The Sheikh gives an exercise to develop awareness: he teaches you to be in the present moment, completely on the interlocutor. His personal secret: if he feels himself getting distracted, he takes off his glasses and wipes them down. This action, he says, makes him pull himself together. When he talks about this trick, I admire its simplicity. Later, over coffee, telling my best anecdote, I noticed that he began to wipe his glasses.

I meet the Shaykh at the last class - at the exam, if you like. We go for spontaneous acquaintances on the street. So far so good: we manage to captivate people. In a bar, a physics graduate talks about black holes, and a truck driver admits that he will be in Arbrow at the same time tomorrow. “Beautiful city,” I say, trying not to sound artificial in my voice. "You were there?" he asks in surprise. I pause and consider my answer options. “No,” I say after a moment. "But I'm sure it's a wonderful place."

During the breaks, the Shaykh gives advice: “Don't cross your arms; Maintain eye contact with everyone in turn while talking. Remembering everything—hands, eyes, active listening—is hard work. Finally, feeling that I won't last long, I clutch at straws: I tell a couple of people about my charisma development courses. And immediately the conversation revives. “I don’t need this,” the guy across from me says. - Being charismatic is just being yourself. No tricks."

Perhaps charisma is inherently simpler than we think. It's about better understanding what you are

This goes against everything I've set my mind to over the past two days. Changing all your behavior in order to learn to please others - isn't that the opposite of what is called "being yourself"? And what if, in trying to become someone else, I lose something more important - more important than the (presumably) newfound charm? Maybe it's not that I missed some opportunities? Maybe my authentic "I" never aspired to them?

I share my thoughts with the Sheikh, who already has an answer. “You exchanged contacts with this guy,” he recalls. - This is a contact built on mutual sympathy. This is exactly what charisma is for. This means that your training was no longer in vain.

Do I feel like I've changed? Not really. I will never pose like a gorilla or admire Scottish cities that I can't find on a map. But perhaps charisma is inherently simpler than we think. It's about better understanding who you are.

As we left the bar, the Sheikh and I shook hands before parting ways. Then he calls me from across the street, "Hey, let me know how your next haircut went." He raises his hand, thumb up, apparently wanting to send me a parting shot of his charisma. Still, I like him.

Each of us has a familiar person who instantly attracts attention. Such people have charisma, which is difficult to resist. Fortunately, this quality can be developed in yourself. To begin with, it is worth working on self-confidence and learning how to express your respect for others, and then you should develop the skills of verbal and non-verbal communication.

Steps

How to build self-confidence

Think about what you like about yourself. People will like you faster if they see you the way you see yourself. You may find it difficult to appreciate yourself. In this case, you should remember your strengths, your skills and what makes you special. If you remember your positive traits more often, it will be easier for you to deal with doubts.

• Make a list of your positive qualities, skills and accomplishments. Ask loved ones to tell you what they like about you.
• Experiment with the external features that you like about yourself. For example, if you want to draw attention to your eyes, learn how to draw elegant arrows, and if you are proud of your legs, dress so that your legs are visible.

1. Learn think positively . A positive attitude draws people in and makes them want to spend more time with a positive person. Be an optimist, try to see the good in every situation and cheer others up. Treat problems and obstacles as opportunities rather than insurmountable difficulties. Here are some tips to help you stay positive:

   • Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. If you find yourself thinking that you will inevitably fail, respond with a positive affirmation. For example: "This is an opportunity for growth and development."
   • Surround yourself with positive people. This will help you stay positive.
   • Laugh to cheer yourself up. Watch a comedy, make a joke, or share a funny story with people. Daily laughter will help you have a positive attitude towards life.
   • Make a list of things you are grateful for.
   • Work on what you are not happy with. If you feel like blaming yourself for something, remind yourself of your progress.

2. Dress to impress people. Your clothes say a lot about how you feel about yourself and how people should perceive you. Clothing is also a reflection of how you feel at the moment. Choose clothes that make you feel great. This will communicate to others what you want to convey to people.

   • Wear clothes that fit you well. Choose attractive colors and patterns.
   • Don't wear things just because they are considered fashionable. If you don't like a thing, you won't feel comfortable in it, and it will be noticeable from the outside.

3. If you need to feel confident in your abilities, remember some of your achievements. When a person thinks about their achievements, the brain releases oxytocin, a substance that helps a person feel satisfied with himself. If you lack self-confidence, increasing your oxytocin levels will help you feel more confident for a while. If you have some important event coming up, remember what you have achieved in the past.

   • For example, you can keep photos that remind you of three great achievements in a special folder on your phone. Review them before you go to any event or important meeting.

4. Sign up for free improvisation classes. Improvisation will teach you how to speak in front of people and how to think quickly. Improvisation classes will help you get out of your comfort zone in a circle of like-minded people. Besides, you will surely have a good time.

   • Look for courses online or on social media.

   How to express your interest and respect for others

   1. Do not use electronic devices while talking to people. If you are busy with an electronic device while talking to others, people will feel less important. Put your phone on silent and put it in your pocket or bag. Do not play games on smart watches or other devices. Give your full attention to the people you interact with.

      • Take time to check for new messages on your phone. Apologize from time to time, go to the restroom and read the messages.

   2. Attentively listen when people talk about themselves. Focus on what the person is saying, not on your response. Nod, comment on what has been said (“yeah”, “interesting”, “wow”) to show your interest.

      • Ask people questions that require a detailed answer so that the conversation does not stop. Listen to the answers with sincere interest.
      • Try to paraphrase what the person said to let them know what you were listening to.

   3. Make people sincere compliments . Tell them what you like and appreciate about them. This will lift their spirits. To make the compliment more meaningful, be specific. For example, instead of the neutral “good presentation,” say: “You were very good at articulating your thoughts during your presentation today.”

      • If you compliment a person's appearance, he will be pleased. You may even like the person even more. However, this is not appropriate in every situation, especially at work.
      • Praise work, accomplishments, and skills. It will motivate and inspire people.

   4. Remember people's names. When meeting people, repeat their names out loud to make it easier for you to remember them. Address the person by name when you want to speak to them. If the person sees that you remember the name, they will feel special and interested in you.

      • To make the name stick in your memory, repeat it several times during a conversation with a person.

   5. Manifest empathy in relation to others. Think about what other people's motives might be. Try to see the situation from their point of view. Put yourself in the other person's shoes to understand how they feel. Let people know that you understand their feelings. Acknowledge their feelings and listen to their words.

      • Ask the person how they feel and listen carefully to the answer.
      • Don't judge people for acting differently than you would in a similar situation. All people have their own experience, which affects the formation of character.
      • Tell people that you have felt the same as them in the past.

   6. Talk about your challenges and how you overcame them. Inspire others with stories from your life. This will make you seem like a mature person with your accomplishments, but people will also see that you have worked hard to get where you are now.

   How to communicate with people

   1. Learn to keep up empty conversations. This is difficult for many, and this is normal, but charismatic people can talk to everyone. Make a list of topics for such conversations. Practice talking about these topics on camera or in front of a mirror to hone your communication skills.

      • For example, you can talk about the weather, your city, sports, favorite music, holidays or seasons.

   2. Joking to get closer to other people. You can tell jokes, funny stories, or make fun of yourself. This will make people feel more comfortable around you and want to spend more time with you.

      • But don't overdo it. Use jokes at the right time in a conversation or presentation.
      • For example, you can start your presentation with a joke or tell a funny story at a party.

   3. Don't hesitate to tell stories. This skill attracts people and makes a person more interesting in the eyes of others. Tell stories about yourself. Share your experience. Use special intonations, bright gestures and lively facial expressions to make others interested in listening to you.

      • Acting classes will help you develop this skill. Actors and charismatic people use the same techniques to keep the attention of the audience and awaken their emotions. In the courses you will learn how to use different intonations, shades of voice, gestures and facial expressions.

   4. Be firm in your convictions. People are repelled by uncertainty, so you should clearly define your position. Believe in the correctness of your choice and your words. Tell others that you know the answer, even if you are not completely sure. If over time you realize that you were wrong, you can reevaluate the situation and make a different choice.

      • Even if you're not sure, you will seem like a charismatic person to people if you act like you're convinced that you made the right choice. Make decisions based on the information you have now. If you decide later that you were wrong, you can change your mind.
      • For example, say "I believe in this plan" instead of "This plan might work." The first phrase shows that you are confident in your idea, and the second - that you do not fully believe in success.

   5. Treat what you are talking about with great enthusiasm. We are all attracted to people who are passionate about something. Don't talk mindlessly - only tell people what you really believe. Speak passionately and invite people to share your passion.

      • Build your life around the things you are passionate about. So you will be interesting to others as a person. If something doesn't make your heart beat faster, put it aside.

The secret of the charm of charismatic people is difficult to reveal. Getting into the sphere of attraction of such a person, we forget that we need to figure out why we want to listen, observe and enjoy communication. How to develop charisma and is it possible.

To be successful, you have to be charming. Charm is manifested in everything and in nothing at the same time - in the energy emanating from you, in your look, gait, physique, the sound of your voice, graceful. It is not at all necessary to be recognized as handsome or beautiful, the main thing is to have personal charm.

What is charisma

Everyone among friends, acquaintances or relatives probably has people with whom it is easy and pleasant to communicate. They seem to emit rays of light, and next to them we feel smarter and better. There are always a lot of people around them, attracted by their personal charm, inner spark, zest - their charisma.

In Greek, the word "charisma" means "anointing". In charismatics, they called people with special attractiveness, in particular the goddesses of beauty. Nowadays, when we talk about a person that he has charisma, we mean his attraction to others. Such people often become leaders in any team.

In turn, charismatic individuals are able to make a strong impression and great influence on others, because they are unconditionally trusted and ready to follow them. Moreover, people with charisma are far from always positive individuals who carry bright ideas, and they may not differ in intelligence and beauty. Equally, they can be both almost saints and criminals. For example, the same Hitler is among the well-known charismatic criminals.

Often people have the qualities of a charismatic personality by nature. Many are familiar with kindergarten ringleaders-leaders who, at such a young age, stood out among other children and enjoyed authority over them (sometimes persuading everyone to break a quiet hour or run away outside the kindergarten).

Is it possible to become charismatic

At the same time, if desired, charisma can be developed. After all, it is easier for a person who is able to charm other people to make a career and achieve the desired results in any endeavor than to be closed and unfriendly.

By the way, it also happens that the charisma of a child is "crushed" by parents - from the "best" motives. They want the child to be obedient first of all and believe that they know best what he needs. As a result, the parents themselves choose the occupation for him. Neglecting his desires, talents and inclinations, they extinguish the light in his eyes. Note that charisma consists of two parts. The first is the external impression that a person makes on others. And the second is his inner self-perception. In a charismatic person, both parts must correspond to each other.

If we think we are beautiful, smart and talented, but people do not notice (because our opinion of ourselves is too high), then we risk being branded as an “unrecognized star”. The other extreme is also familiar to everyone: a person is smart and talented, but his opinion of himself is underestimated: he is not confident in himself, considers himself a gray mouse and is afraid to be seen. Both types of personality cannot become charismatic, because the external impression they make and their own internal sensations do not match.

Thus, becoming charismatic is not easy - it will take a lot of time. However, it is possible.

How to develop charisma

The antipodes of charismatics are narrow-minded people, with a poor and uninteresting inner world and weak energy. This means that you need to constantly work on your spiritual and intellectual development, on the elimination of negative qualities and the formation of virtues.

1. Become an interesting person

In order to win over people, draw their attention to us and keep it, we must have something to say and how to interest. And for this, versatile, well-read and able to keep up the conversation. The scope of our interests should be wide enough so that we can talk with different people on different topics: politics and history, culture and science, etc.

As he wrote about Eugene Onegin:

"He had a happy talent / Without compulsion in conversation / To touch everything lightly ...".

2. Sometimes it's better to remain silent

Do not forget the golden rule: "It is better to be reasonably silent than to speak stupidly." If we have nothing to say, then it is better to remain silent so as not to be branded as a windbag or balabolka. Secondly, it is worth thinking about the consequences of our words. And thirdly, by talking incessantly, we risk getting bored. Sometimes a short thought is more impressive than a lengthy argument. The same Pushkin wrote that you need to be able to "...keep silent in an important dispute ...".

People who have a sense of humor and know how to joke attract others because they infect them with a good mood. Someone remarked: “We try not to lose our sense of humor, because without it we will be lost.”

Of course, wit is an innate quality. But learning to joke is also possible. At the same time, it is important to feel the fine line between a harmless joke and "black humor". An untimely or inappropriate joke can turn people against you and make enemies. Pythagoras noted: "A joke, like salt, should be used with moderation."

In addition, in order to make fun of others, you need to be able to make fun of yourself. As one of the greats said, "In order to show cheerful wit, you need to have at least some glimpses of humor in relation to yourself." In wit, you need to observe the measure: you should not try too hard to be funny and pour jokes without interruption, because this is annoying and annoying. Here, too, quality is important, not quantity.

Before you start joking out loud (in the absence of such a skill), you first need to learn to see the funny and try to formulate a thought to yourself. You can prepare a joke in advance, remembering, for example, a quote you like from a book or hearing someone else's, and use it in a suitable situation.

5. Be able to listen to other people

Charismatic people are attentive listeners. They treat others as if they are special. And people open up to those who are able to tune in with them on the same wavelength.

A charismatic person will find a common language with a person of any age and social class, without placing himself above or below. Without excessive importunity and curiosity, he will touch on topics that they would like to talk about, inspire disposition and trust, showing that he values ​​\u200b\u200btheir opinion.

Do not interrupt the interlocutor in impatience to express your thoughts or soar in the clouds, thinking about your own. We will win over a person more if from time to time we address him by name and express our attention with nods of agreement or brief remarks. It would be useful to say a compliment - our interlocutor certainly deserves it, and, as they say, "a kind word is also pleasant for a cat."

6. Develop self-confidence

Confident people tend to be positive, which is what attracts others. They love themselves, they like what they do and how they look. People with negative energy are always dissatisfied, prone to criticism and grumbling, repelling, because it’s scary to get infected with negativity from them.

If we need to reconsider our own attitude towards ourselves: we must first of all see the positive aspects of life, the dignity of our character and appearance, and not focus on the shortcomings. You need to fight with shortcomings, and not cultivate them in yourself, elevating them to a cult.

7. Develop charisma through body language

Our body language will tell about our shyness and indecision, as insecure people are given out by their appearance, facial expressions, and gestures. Confident gait, straight posture, ease, lack of nervousness, eye contact - these qualities are characteristic of people with charisma. It is worth observing ourselves from the outside in order to understand how far we are from the ideal.

Also, don't forget to smile. A smile is conducive to itself, shows our goodwill - it costs nothing, but it gives a lot. As Baron Munchausen said: "Smile, gentlemen ... All stupid things on Earth are done with a serious expression on your face."

Charisma is the ability to win over any people, to attract views and attention, to force oneself to listen and admire. Charisma is not only an attractive appearance, it is something more. I want to be equal to a charismatic person, to imitate him. Some have been given this property since birth, and they are definitely lucky. But if you are not one of these people, do not despair - charisma can be developed in yourself on your own. Of course, this requires a lot of effort and time. However, the result will please you - having charisma, you can easily enter into the relationships you need with people, make contacts and just communicate with people you are interested in. Charisma will help both in business relationships and in personal ones.

Show confidence

It is always more pleasant to be with such people than with those who doubt their every step. Self-confidence will not completely replace having charisma, but it can make it more “persuasive”. Here the question immediately arises: how to develop self-confidence, if it is not? On this topic, you can write a separate article, and more than one. For now, let's talk about the most general recommendations.

1) Radiate positivity. Self-confident people love themselves (within adequate limits) and what they do. Therefore, they have no reason to show negativity towards other people or phenomena. A self-confident person will never start a conversation (let alone meeting a new person) with claims, discontent or conflict. We are talking about the negative in general, both in relation to the interlocutor, and to strangers or events. Talk more about things you love and respect. It is better to remain silent about hatred, irritation and criticism.

2). You must learn to convey your thoughts in such a way that those around you can easily believe. Your voice should not be monotonous - change the rhythm, timbre, volume level. Add emotional coloring, highlight the most important phrases in your story with intonation. Useful exercise: record how you talk on a voice recorder. Listening to the recording, you will notice shortcomings in your speech that you did not pay attention to before, and gradually eliminate them.

3) Like yourself. If a person does not like something in himself, he cannot be sure. And putting on a mask of confidence is also not for everyone, and is it necessary? Everyone has their shortcomings, for which we do not love ourselves or reproach ourselves. And it will eat away all our confidence. Fight shortcomings, and emphasize advantages. Love yourself both externally (put your figure in order, dress in beautiful clothes) and internally (follow your life principles in any situation).

Watch your body language

Psychologists have long established that we perceive most of the information received from the interlocutor through his non-verbal behavior. Nonverbalics will tell a lot more about a person than his words. Of course, the most “honest” body language is the one that comes from a person unconsciously. But since you undertook to develop charisma in yourself, then you also need to correct your body language.

1) Always keep your back straight. Enter the premises with a bold, decisive step. When speaking, gesticulate with your hands, helping yourself to better convey the words spoken to your interlocutor. Avoid crossing your arms or legs while sitting. This posture will signal your closeness. Also try to keep your hands away from your face.

2) When you meet a new person, readily shake his hand and smile, look straight into his eyes. If you are talking while standing, then do not shift from one foot to the other; if you are sitting, do not fidget in your chair. Try to be light and casual.

3) Copy gestures and other non-verbal signs of your interlocutor. Just do it very carefully, almost imperceptibly. The point is that a person who does not speak very loudly and with restraint will be more comfortable communicating with the same interlocutor. Someone who gesticulates a lot and smiles broadly is more likely to like the same active and friendly person.

4) When talking, always show your interest. Look directly into the eyes of the interlocutor, and not to the sides. If you look at your watch or your phone, it will mean that you are bored and uninterested in communicating with this person.

5) Sit in front of a mirror and start a conversation with yourself. It doesn't matter what you say. Take some time to watch your gestures and facial expressions. Looking at yourself from the outside, you will understand what points need to be finalized. Improve in front of the mirror until the person you see in it becomes the most charismatic and charming person in the world for you.

Make people feel comfortable around you

The best way to do this is to let the person you're talking to know they're special and interesting. A charismatic person is one who can easily start a conversation on any topic with everyone and charm with his charm.

1) Feel yourself on a par with the interlocutor. No matter who you're talking to—or your teenage nephew—always put yourself on the same level as the other person. That is, you should not show that you are lower or higher in status. If you divide people by status, rank or any characteristics, then they will do the same to you. And in such conditions, it is unlikely to feel freedom in communication.

2) Ask people about their lives, but do it sincerely. Don't be too intrusive. You must understand what question is convenient and not to ask a particular person. You will not ask a woman who recently lost her husband about how she lives alone? This will just be an uncomfortable question, and not a manifestation of interest. To make sure you don't get into trouble, ask people about what they are already telling everyone about. For example, an old woman who talks incessantly about her wonderful grandchildren, your question about where they study and what they can do will only be a joy. And you will get a plus sign to charisma.

3) Use active listening. When someone tells you a story or shares their feelings, occasionally nod in agreement, say “you’re right,” “of course,” “I understand,” and ask clarifying questions. All this will let the interlocutor understand that you are really interested in listening to him.

4) Address people by their first names. Firstly, for each person, his name is the most pleasant sound combination of all existing ones. Secondly, by constantly repeating the name of your new acquaintance, you will not allow that at the wrong moment his name will be forgotten.

5) If you give a compliment, then do it sincerely. A compliment for the sake of a compliment runs the risk of looking like flattery. Nobody likes flattery. If you want to make a person pleasant, find in him what you really like, and voice it. So the compliment will look natural and not fake. If they say a compliment to you, then you don’t need to look down in embarrassment, or say “what are you doing.” Accept compliments with honor and a restrained but open smile.

Show a sense of humor

The ability to make other people laugh or make them smile is a mandatory attribute of charisma.

1) Laugh at yourself, but in moderation. A person who knows how to laugh at himself is a truly self-confident person. But do it without fanaticism - you don’t need to specifically talk about your mistakes so that others can laugh at you.

2) Joke carefully. Everyone's sense of humor is different. You must be able to catch the wave of the interlocutor and tune in to it. The kind of jokes you might tell your old college friend you wouldn't tell a strict boss. Joking in a big company, you also need to follow certain limits. If the company is "motley" (people of different age, status, etc.), then it is better to stick to restrained neutral jokes.

3) Don't joke too much. It is better to joke once a night, but so witty that this joke will then be remembered and quoted, than a mediocre joke every 5 minutes.

Become an interesting person

Showing respect for others is good. But you need to make sure that they show interest in you.

1) Diversify. A charismatic person will always be able to keep up the conversation on any topic. You don't have to be an expert in everything, and you won't. Read books on various topics, modern periodicals, follow the latest news. And then you can keep up the conversation on the topic of auto mechanics and contemporary artists.

2) Be an enthusiastic person. You should have a hobby - something that you are passionate about, or one or several topics that you are well versed in. And you should be able to talk about your hobby in an interesting and even recklessly way. Your passion for something will make you an interesting person for others.

3) If you have nothing to say, be silent. Words spoken just for the sake of not being silent will not add to your attractiveness. Say only what you really want to say to the person here and now.

4) Express your emotions openly. Emotionality can interfere with communication, but also help it. If you are an overly excitable person, then you need to control your emotions so as not to put yourself or your interlocutor in an uncomfortable position. But charismatic and unemotional are incompatible things. A charismatic person will openly express what he feels at a particular moment - joy, anger, delight, sadness. But when you do this, you must evaluate the situation in which you are and manage the level of your emotional manifestations.

If you can harmoniously embody all these tips in yourself, you will become a truly charismatic person. But remember that charisma is a very subtle thing, and it may not succumb to you right away. Become an exemplary student of yourself, and gradually learn the correct body language, develop self-confidence, a sense of humor and tact, develop as a person. And then they will say about you: “He is so charismatic!”

More than one generation of people is tormented by the question: “What is it, in general, charisma? What do they eat her charisma with? Why do some have it and others don't? Yes, and the definition of charisma is so vague and so vague - strong attraction, undeniable charm, magical attraction, magnetism and a huge power of suggestion that can turn the crowd back. Sounds good, but not clear...

The very word "charisma" came to us from ancient Greece and is translated as "gift". In ancient Greek mythology, the word "charisma" meant "to attract attention", and the ancient Greek goddesses of beauty and grace were charites. In Church Slavonic and Russian translations, "charisma" is interpreted as "grace", but in general in Christianity the word "charisma" meant neither more nor less, but "gift of God."

The classic definition of charisma was given by the German sociologist M. Weber: “Charisma is the quality of a person, recognized as extraordinary, thanks to which it is evaluated as gifted with supernatural, superhuman, or at least specifically special powers and properties that are not available to other people.”

From the foregoing, it becomes quite clear why many individuals with such manic persistence want to become a "charismatic personality." Charisma is a sign of the elect, it is a special sign that distinguishes "not like everyone else" from the masses. You know, it’s a shame to realize that nature has rested on you, and then the question “Is it possible to learn charisma?” quite reasonably arises. On the one hand, now you can learn everything - throat singing, dancing on hot coals, swallowing swords, so why can't you learn charisma? Become the same as Napoleon or Mikhail Sergeevich Gorbachev? Like Genghis Khan or Theodore Roosevelt? By the way, the founders of world religions - Buddha, Moses and Christ were also charismatic personalities. The list of great people can be continued indefinitely, but we should not forget that charisma can manifest itself both with the “+” sign and with the “-” sign. Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, Lenin are individuals who also have undeniably powerful charisma. A saint or an executioner can be a charismatic person with equal success, but this does not diminish the magic of charisma. On the contrary, many want to feel what it is like to decide the fate of people ...

Charismatic training is now available in many cities. Trainers working on the topic "Charisma" claim that they can teach any person in just a couple of days charismatic behavior. And they don't lie!

Psychologists and trainers who offer their vision of charisma really do not lie, claiming that they can teach charisma to anyone. But they don’t finish a little, because they “forget” to warn everyone that after passing such a training, their charisma will not be real, but artificial. We have long been accustomed to sugar substitutes, paper flowers and soy meat, so why can't we also afford artificial charisma? It may well come in handy for a couple of days or a couple of years, depending on what goals the future artificial charismatic sets for himself. Before the elections, a whole staff of psychologists works with some politicians and deputies, who do exactly this - they “train” the individual on charisma. It turns out that in order to look like a charismatic person in the eyes of others, it is enough to strictly follow some rules.

Rule one: There must be an Idea. Mission. Target. "Land to the peasants!" "Factories for workers!" “Wash your boots in the Indian Ocean!”, or at worst, “If I become a deputy, then a major overhaul will be done in your entrance!” Moreover, real charisma differs from artificial one precisely in that a true charismatic leader believes with all his heart and soul in what he says. And the artificial charismatic proclaims what is beneficial for him to voice at the moment.

Rule two: Working out the idea. An artificial charismatic will pursue only personal goals, he does not care deeply about the needs and needs of his followers, whom he deceives a priori. “The law is like a drawbar, as it turned, it happened.” A real charismatic person supports followers, teaches and develops them, uses power not only in their own interests, but also in the interests of others. As M. Twain said, “Avoid those who are trying to undermine your faith in yourself. A great person, on the contrary, inspires the feeling that you can become great too.

Rule Three: Get your goals right. For this artificial charismatic, they will be taught to speak vividly and emotionally, figuratively and with examples, to “hit” in the most vulnerable places, to clearly and coherently express their thoughts. A couple of artistic tricks to reinforce the leader effect. Practiced gestures and facial expressions. In short, they will show how to manipulate people to achieve their personal goals. A real charismatic person, first of all, has courage, he does what others would never dare to do. A true charismatic person is extraordinary, his speech can even be rude and not too aesthetic. The movements are not always correct or sharp, and the facial expressions are funny and ridiculous, but ... people believe him, because they feel in their hearts that he is SINCERE.

Rule Four: It is stupid to imitate already generally recognized charismatic personalities. Imitate them in intonation and manner of speaking, copy their behavior, clothes and habits.

Artificial charisma is a performance for grateful spectators, it is a theater, it is a storyline built by professionals to achieve a certain goal. When the goal is reached, the artificial charisma evaporates like a cloud, because it is impossible to pretend to be someone who you really are not all the time.

Afterword: Universal charisma does not exist, it cannot be learned or acquired through long and hard training. But if a person has an innate predisposition to charisma, it means that it can be discovered in oneself! The main thing is not to be afraid of your exclusivity, originality and dissimilarity to others!