— How not to be boring for the interlocutor: 5 simple rules
How to get someone interested: 5 steps
— How to become a worthy interlocutor: the art of conversation
— How to entice with a conversation: 10 golden tips
- Conclusion

How often do we dream of being liked by everyone and everyone? And how much do you need to do! You need to be fun, interesting, charismatic, a good listener. The list can go on for a very long time. But here's something worth noting. You can't please absolutely everyone. It's just not possible.

But if it is impossible to please everyone and everyone, then it is still possible to be a person with whom it is simply interesting to communicate. This is also not easy and requires many qualities, but at least it is real. And for this you need to follow a few rules.

1) Don't be a bore.
People love to talk about their loved ones and that is why there is always a shortage of good listeners. Let your interlocutor tell you about himself. Ask him counter questions. Strangely, the people we like the most always say little.

2) Discuss the interests of the interlocutor.
If you are well versed in the hobbies of the interlocutor, you can easily keep up the conversation. If not, then ask him for more details. He will tell you with great pleasure.

3) Rule of 3 stories.
Dramas and reality shows have become popular for a reason. So always have 3 interesting stories to tell. These stories should be exciting, emotional and engaging.

4) Charisma.
A study conducted by two psychologists in 1967 proved that only 7% of the attention in a conversation falls on words. The rest of the attention is paid by the interlocutor to the tone of speech and body language.
Laugh. Smile. Be emotional. Don't forget about gestures and don't rely on words alone.

5) Live an interesting life.
The best way to become interesting is to live an interesting life. And believe me, this will give you much more than a simple opportunity to be an interesting conversationalist.

How to get someone interested: 5 steps

Not all people can find common interests and common topics for communication, and you just don’t always understand the topic that the interlocutor is talking about. Therefore, if you suddenly have such a problem, below are some practical tips in order not to be a boring person and to interest the interlocutor in a conversation.

1) Your interlocutor's area of ​​interest consists of several categories: "people", "place", "time", "values", "process", "things".

Usually people have a few favorite things they like to talk about, and the rest are not of particular interest to them.

To do this, listen to what the interlocutor is saying if you have not started a conversation yet, or alternatively, unobtrusively take an interest in his interests, try to prove to him your similarities and find common ground.

3) In a conversation, try to determine the character of your interlocutor (just do not succumb to first impressions) and his mood at the current moment.

This will help you avoid conflicts and making yourself look bad.

4) It is better to imagine your shortcomings as a continuation of your advantages, emphasizing them unobtrusively, even with humor.

This will help you not to scare the person away and create a positive image of you as a person who does not hide his shortcomings, but does not flaunt them either.

5) For a better understanding in practice, it is also worth getting to know each type of people separately in order to determine the type of interlocutor in time and adapt to it.

— How to become a worthy interlocutor: the art of conversation

If you want someone to be interested in you, talk about what he is interested in (speak the same language with him). The theory is simple, and well-known to everyone - but how to put it into practice?

As mentioned earlier, your interlocutor's sphere of interest is divided into six categories: "people", "place", "time", "values", "process", "things".

Usually 2-3 of these 6 topics are favorites for a person - he will discuss them with great pleasure. The rest are not interesting to him, and cause him mortal boredom.

To better understand how this is used in life, let's take a closer look at each type separately.

"People".
Favorite question: Who? People are important to him: with whom he communicates, who surrounds him.

"A place".
Favorite question: Where? It is important for this person to clearly navigate in space. He usually has a favorite chair or a favorite place at the table, to which he tries not to let anyone in.

"Time".
Favorite question: When? For such a person, everything related to time will be extremely important.

"Values".
Favorite question: Why? It is important for this person that what he does is valuable and useful. He looks for meaning in everything. Talks about your values ​​and beliefs.

"Process".
Favorite question: How? It is very important for him how he will do something, the sequence of actions that must be performed. Often uses verbs in speech.

"Things".
Favorite question: What? Such a person pays a lot of attention to things and objects. Often uses nouns in speech.

Now the question is “What to talk to him about?” the solution is quite simple: after listening to a person, you determine his favorite topics, after which you talk with him, trying to get into the sphere of his interests. If it is “people”, then talk about people. If this is a “place”, then ask where he was, tell me where you yourself are going to go ...

To make sure that such an adjustment is important enough, try a couple of times to specifically “detune” from the interests of a person. He told you, for example, “about the people he met,” and you asked him a question from another area: “where did you meet them?”, “And when was that?”. The reaction of the person will immediately tell you that it is better not to do this (except when you need to quickly end the conversation).

1) Tell interesting stories.
More than anything, people love to listen to real, interesting stories. And when you tell them, you give your energy to others and do not demand anything from them in return. Learn to simply talk about something interesting that happened to you, or something that struck you.

2) Joke.
When you joke, you give the interlocutor a positive mood. It will be very easy and pleasant to communicate with you then. A good joke and a pleasant story are the magnet that will attract others to you.

3) Give compliments.
For each person it is very important what others think of him. This desire for approval is present within each of us. We want to be seen as smart, beautiful and successful.

If it is so important for the person with whom you communicate that you think well of him, then give him a compliment. Find what stands out in him and tell him about it. A compliment is the most pleasant word for each of us, remember this. Even if he does not react to him in any way, then inside - he will remember you and your warmest word about him for a long time.

4) Listen.
When a story is told to you, be able to listen to it. A person feels when you listen to him, and when you just pretend that you are interested. When the person has finished his story, ask him something else, for example: “What happened next?”, “Why did this happen?”. This will show that you were interested, and you would gladly continue to listen to him further.

5) Look into your eyes.
Firstly, internal energy is transmitted through the gaze, and secondly, it shows that you are interested in listening to a person or telling him something.

6) Don't interrupt.
Very often there is such a situation that a person starts talking about something, and then you remember your story and start telling it. In no case should you do this, this indicates that you do not respect your interlocutor. If you remember any story, then it is very good, but tell it better when your friend stops talking.

7) Don't ask too many questions.
You can ask questions only when there is nothing more to say, or at the end, after the person has finished his story, in order to clarify something with him. In all other cases, questions work poorly. When you ask a question, it is as if you are pulling his energy from a person. He needs to strain his brains and think in order to answer you.

8) Do not criticize.
If you criticize the interlocutor in the presence of other people, then he will not want to talk to you, he will simply say to himself: “How I hate you.”

9) Don't brag.
Sometimes it is very pleasant to communicate with a person, he tells interesting stories, but all these stories come down to the fact that he wants to praise himself: “I bought a car”, “I bought a house”, “Look how smart I am”. Just me, me, me! If you bought yourself a new car, then sooner or later everyone will know about it, but it’s very bad to show off directly.

10) Train your voice.
When talking, your words mean little, the very voice, look, facial expressions and gestures are very important. You need to train your voice and there are a lot of different exercises on the Internet that will help you improve your speech.

11) Communicate.
This is a very important point. When you communicate with new people, you will get practice. Believe me, you will never learn how to communicate well near a computer, even if you read 100 books. Yes, you will gain knowledge, but this knowledge means nothing if it is not put into practice. Therefore, right today, try to use at least some of the rules from this article in practice, this is very important.

- Conclusion

Everyone likes to communicate with an interesting interlocutor. It's easy and fun with him. And his stories never get boring. People unconsciously gather around such a person. After all, he is not only a good storyteller, but also a great listener. And many people like to talk about themselves much more than to listen to themselves. But finding a listener who will listen to you calmly and will not interrupt is a rather difficult task.

Most importantly, always remember that in order for a person to like talking to you, being an interesting storyteller is not enough. It is important to be able to listen to what is being said to you and to express sincere interest in the conversation without interrupting your opponent. Only then can you confidently call yourself an interesting conversationalist.

The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site

There is a lot of general advice on this subject. So general that each item needs instructions. For example:

• find common topics for conversation with her;
• listen to her, ask questions;
• be self-confident;
• be original;

But it comes down to specifics: you have a date with a girl. And it is not clear how to prepare for this date? Maybe something to read, watch, remember? Where to start communication? But what if there is an awkward pause in the conversation?

We men love it so much when there is a plan of action. We plan a working day, keep a calendar of meetings, write out abstracts if there is an important presentation or negotiations ahead. But for dates - the approach is somehow different. We just buy a bouquet of flowers, take a lady to an expensive restaurant and ... the result is zero. And it would be worth spending half an hour to think about what to talk about in this restaurant. The effect of such training is much greater.

What to talk about with her? First I'll tell how you have to communicate. Necessary:

a) Tell interesting stories...

b) ... periodically asking her questions ...

c) ... in order to engage her in a dialogue ...

d) ... and then just manage your conversation.

Here it is - the formula for success. So you can easily fill painful pauses with interesting stories, turn your attention to her by asking questions, and turn the conversation to the topics you need.

So, the first skill for successful communication is the ability to tell stories. Your preparation for a date will begin with the preparation topics for these stories. Let's do a little exercise. Take paper and pencil. Write:

• 3 books that have impressed you the most lately and why;
• 3 films that you liked the most in the last year and why;
• 3 places in the world that you remember the most and why;
• 3 interesting cases from your life over the past month (you can observe situations that you observed).

Write in that order. If you don't have favorite books, movies, places, and nothing interesting happens to you... Uh... buddy, sorry, no wonder you don't have a girlfriend. Why does she need such a bore? What should she do with you?

Ok, we warmed up, at the output we got a list of topics for stories. Now you need to prepare the story itself. To do this, let's go back to grade 7 and remember how to write an essay. Before writing it, it is worth making a plan, highlighting introduction,main part, climax And interchange.

A good story contains all four of these parts. Plus full of details and emotions. Take now any topic from your own list and make 4 tablets:

Introduction

Main part

climax

denouement

Now fill in all these four tablets in thesis, so that there is an outline for the story. Boring? Lazy? I know. That is why the men get off with a bouquet of flowers and an expensive restaurant. So that dinner and a "broom" brighten up the girl's unbearably boring evening.

After you have written a story in this format, try to tell it. Then the second, third ... you will be surprised, but if you do this regularly, then very soon you will always have 5-10 great stories in stock that are relevant in any company. And on a date too.

Stories are stories, but you need to take into account a couple of important points that will help not only make the conversation interesting, but also remove tension in communication (which is no less important than communication itself).

That's why…

Let her open up to you!

Many people are afraid to openly talk about what happened to them. Someone is ashamed, and someone is simply afraid that his story will not be as interesting as we would like.

Therefore, when you have a first date, the girl may be as shy of you as you are of her. Moreover, upbringing will not allow her to entertain you more than you entertain her. So you have to take the rap for two, trying to somehow talk her. :)

But you can relieve this tension from her, allowing her to open up to you and begin to communicate more actively (she will be grateful to you later for this).

A good way to liberate a girl is to start talking about something first.. If you share a story from your life with her, then it will be easier for her to answer you in the same way (the principle of “returning kindness for kindness” will work here).

Finally, when she has begun to tell you something, it is advisable to ask clarifying questions that will help her tell you more details.

And sometimes you can just emotionally ask: “Yes, okay?”, “Seriously?”, Showing a strong interest in her story.

Keep using the tit-for-tat principle by sharing your stories with her. So she will have more desire to tell something in response.

Take her to another reality

Sometimes you can even dream! Why not?

You just need to dream correctly, involving the girl in an alternative reality.

How to do it?

It is enough just to ask her any question from the topic around which you will build your joint alternative reality. For example: " Are you jealous? Imagine that some girls would constantly call me. Would it piss you off?».

And after her answer, continue: “ Imagine, we are at home in the evening, and someone constantly writes to me. I say you don't have to worry, they're just groupies, but you're still nervous. Then you go to the kitchen and start breaking dishes. Then we make up and make love on the remains of this dish. Then together we beat the dishes and again put up right on this dish ...».

You can use a less explicit alternate reality: " Would you like to live on a desert island?". And after her reply: Imagine how you and I would run along the beach, get food, drink rum. I would climb palm trees for coconuts and hunt birds. And you would roast these birds on a fire ...».

When you dream with her like that, then it binds you more strongly than if you had 10 mediocre dates.

A couple of tips for good communication

When you communicate with her and tell any stories, then do not look at her in fear and uncertainty. Your eyes should radiate confidence that your story is the best in the world.

If you are afraid that she will not appreciate what you are saying, then this will be evident from your reaction.- you will look at her frightened, as if afraid that she will not start a conversation. Try to hide these manifestations of your behavior.

It is equally important that you sit on the side of her, and not opposite. First, when you are sitting opposite, there is a strong barrier between you in the form of a table. Secondly, communication with a girl implies at least some kind of touch that can only be done while sitting on the side of her.

Try to speak confidently. Especially when you take her to an alternate reality. You will still say it - so why not immediately do it confidently? If you start to mumble or your voice trembles, she will immediately feel that all your words are unnatural for you.

All these rules are simple and, at the same time, very effective. Especially try to pay attention to the first paragraph of this article. After doing this at least 5 times, you will learn to communicate emotionally automatically, without even thinking about what exactly you are saying.

My clients often ask me about how to be an interesting companion for a man. The answer is simple - ask questions and learn to listen with interest to the answer. The question has an amazing property to concentrate the brain in the direction of the answer, it launches such a mental search engine.

This means that attention is focused, firstly, on the topic of conversation, and secondly, on the personality of the person who is asked the question - after all, before answering, we subconsciously evaluate who we will answer. In the first case, you need to direct your thought in the right direction for you.

For example, if you want to be a Holiday for a man, talk to him about the holidays, but if you want relationships, love, talk to him about love. Better ask. Don't be afraid to be too curious - people like to talk about themselves and remember pleasant things. And let his interest and attention, recreated pleasant emotions, be associated in his mind with your person - this will benefit your relationship.

The second benefit of asking questions is information that you can use to understand whether you need such a partner or not. By the way, try to pay attention not only to what your partner says, but also to how he says it. In fact, a person often and a lot talks about himself - we just don’t want or don’t know how to analyze information, we prefer to live in illusions, and we are focused on our person during the dialogue. Although timely attentiveness could prevent both small disappointments and big tragedies in our personal lives.

The best time for questions is the period of flirting, courtship. This is the time of the very beginning of a relationship, when it is better to keep your ears open, and not to rush to open your heart to a stranger. Ask with a share of childish spontaneity, sometimes in a playful tone, easily - and analyze. Get to know him better with the help of prepared questions that you can simply choose from the collection below and learn the basics of active listening. Everyone likes people who talk to us about us))

• What is "freedom" for you?
• I wonder by what signs a woman can find out that a man likes her?
• I wonder how a man understands that a woman likes him?
• Is it true that men prefer weak (strong) women?
• I wonder what was the best thing you did for your woman?
• Interesting, how do you relax?
• Interesting, how do you have fun?
• How often do you fall in love?
• Do you believe in love at first sight?
• What is the first thing you pay attention to when meeting the opposite sex?
• Who can you say that he or she is “the love of my life”?
• Would you like to change your gender even for a day? Who would you like to be then? What would you do?
• Who did you have the longest relationship with?
• What's the best gift you've received from a partner?
• What clothes do you find sexy?
• What is "pleasure" for you?
• What is the most valuable thing in life for you?
• What's your favorite love story?
• What is your favorite love song?
• What's your favorite love movie?
• What is the best thing about marriage?
• Can you be happy just because your partner is happy?
• What is more important to you: the process or the result?
• I wonder what a man looks for in a woman first of all?
• When was the relationship perfectly happy?
• What famous person would you like to have a sexual relationship with?
• Do you consider yourself a romantic?
• How would you like your partner to show their love?
• Describe your ideal marriage. How does a day go in such marriages?
• What is love?
• Should there be a law punishing unfaithful lovers?
• Why do people try to change each other?
• What kind of people do you love?
• Describe how you felt when you first fell in love?
• Name two qualities that do not attract you to the members of the opposite sex? Attract?
• What is your idea of ​​an ideal man/woman?
• What important lesson have you learned from past relationships?
• Who do you think is the most romantic couple in world history, in books, movies?
• Describe your ideal partner.
• What kind of weather do you find the most romantic?
• Who was the last person to say "I love you" to you?
• What kindles the fire in you, and what extinguishes?
• What characterizes a good marriage?
• What love lesson from your experience do you remember for a long time?
• What are three things you love to do with your partner?

The exercise

Choose 5 questions you like from the list. Ask them in the near future in a conversation with a man. Track the reaction.

What conclusions do you come to? Then the next five...

Then the question of how to be an interesting conversationalist It must have crossed your mind more than once. We offer a brief overview of this topic.

Almost everyone has the ability to chat, but the ability to be a good listener is not given to everyone. It is believed that the ability to listen is a great art. After all, listening without interrupting the interlocutor, and then starting some kind of speech is not an easy task.

With such people you want to communicate again and again, share your thoughts and in general, have a good time.

Undoubtedly, you heard such phrases of surprised men: “I listened to her silently for two hours, and she said that I was the most interesting interlocutor of those whom she met.” Think about it.

Two types of interlocutors

1. Talkers. Obsessive talkativeness incessantly will not lead to the desired effect or a positive impression on your interlocutor. There is not a single person who would be willing to listen only. People need to tell their own stories. And given the fact that chatterboxes never change roles, and strive to always be in the spotlight, they are naturally disliked. Such comrades will never become interesting interlocutors.
2. Silent people. To remain silent when someone is speaking is, of course, a noble occupation. But excessive silence and a rare nodding of the head, instead of an active and interesting dialogue, is not at all considered the ability to listen! From this position, there is also no way to achieve the desired effect. It is unlikely that they will want to communicate with you again if you are silent all the time. In various articles on personal growth, you can find such a thing as "Active listening". So you need to understand that it is precisely “active”, and not clamped and gloomy.

By the way, you can get acquainted with the most famous.

How to be an interesting conversationalist?

The first thing to do is decide who you want to be in society. You can take an example from a person with whom it is pleasant to communicate in reality. Copy his facial expressions, gestures and some phrases that you like. It is also necessary to change behavior: if we change, then only for the better.

An interesting fact is that we, in fact, always copy someone. It is no coincidence that a wise man said: Everyone comes into this world as originals and leaves as copies.". Since childhood, we imitate and imitate the people around us. So isn't it better to use this natural mechanism consciously?

Active listening

It is necessary to conduct a dialogue, looking into the eyes. Foreign objects, such as a phone or other gadgets, distract attention and leave a bad impression of you as an interlocutor.

It is necessary to create an atmosphere in which the interlocutor will feel interested in his story. It will not be superfluous to use a small number of words during the story to convince the interlocutor that they are listening.

Ask clarifying questions, but without going into unnecessary details. It is important here not to overdo it. active listening did not turn into an interruption.

After the story, it is worth sustaining a certain pause, lasting no more than three seconds. This is necessary so that the narrator can add a couple more words. Then there will be no awkward situations.

An important factor to always consider is to watch your actions. While the interlocutor is telling another story, an idea may arise in the head: what to talk about next.

To avoid such situations, listen carefully and actively to the story of the interlocutor, and then you won’t have to come up with a topic for conversation, since you can organically cling to a fragment from the story and talk about it for a long time.

And most importantly, you need to think before you say something.

It is also appropriate to emphasize that you should never belittle or belittle the dignity of a story or a case from life that your counterpart tells. An interesting interlocutor will never say the phrase: "That, that's nothing, but I had a case ...".

I must say that respect is not manifested in any specific actions or gestures. It is felt on a subconscious level.

Talk about him

You are probably familiar with an interesting aphorism: Start talking to a person about him and he will listen to you for hours". Pay attention to this extraordinary moment.

We are all selfish by nature. Most people eagerly listen to a storyteller, only to start their own story afterwards. If you want to be known as a good conversationalist, listen actively and emphasize the merits of your friend more.

Anyone can be an interesting conversationalist

So, in order to become an interesting interlocutor, always try to mentally respect the speaker and listen carefully, actively. Perhaps this is the great skill that distinguishes worthy people from empty talkers or vice versa, notorious silent ones.

It's called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

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